God is good. All the time.

"I wrote this for a baby
Who has yet to be born
My sister's first child
I hope that womb's not too warm
Cause it's cold out here
And it'll be quite a shock
To breathe this air
To discover lots
So I'd like to make some changes
Before you arrive
So when your new eyes meet mine
They won't see no lies
Just love.
Just love.

I will be pure
No, no, I know i will be pure
Like snow, like gold"

Life is such a crazy thing. It's things like how a life is created and how it grows that makes me KNOW that their has to be a higher power that thought this up. My sister is pregnant and I can not think of anything that will make her happier then to have a child. Her and her husband Nick are going to be such passionate and loving parents and that kid is going to have one very... VERY exciting life. It is so sad seeing how many parents out there are undeserving of their children, but Brittany and Nick deserve one more than anyone on the earth. If I did not have such amazing parents now I would be so envious of little baby Addison or jack! If you ever read this Nick and Brittany please know that I will be there every single time you need me and will always try my best to fill any part you need me to fit into and if I cannot be there to help, I will be trying my best to pray for you guys in every way I know how.

No lies, just love.

Gentleman

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken." -CS Lewis

"So I wander and I wander. Your absence beating inside my chest. And I try, but I can't remember the color of your eyes - JUST THE SHAPE OF YOUR DRESS!
And through a garden overgrown, nah honey, it's a long walk home. I said I'd not come back, well I'm coming back-but I wont be alone"

Last night I was half way listening to what she thinks she knows, I then realized we are just like children dressing, in our parents clothes saying

"Nobody knows me,

no one knows my name,
No, nobody knows me,
nobody knows me..."
I then half-heartedly explained
but gave up peacefully ashamed
as a glass can only spill what it contains
its like we went to Portugal and Spain

and in her mind the entire time it rained!
a glass can only spill what it contains"

I went back to where we stopped to talk. I realized our paths in life were a lot like the paths we were making in the snow in that parking lot. Yours were collected in one giant circle, just going around and around. Mine never crossed over, came to a meeting point, matched. I think that says something, you keep making the same mistakes and keep working your routine of bringing some poor helpless victim into your circle and going around and around until they finally leave. As for me, I am always striving to move forward, realize my mistakes, then fix them and continue on. That C.S. Lewis quote is amazing, and true. My heart was definitely wrung and broken, but not the way you were shooting for. My heart was broken for you. I realized you aren't the person I thought you were.

I Hope You Find Whatever It Is You Are Looking For.

"i am a man that does not have a way.
millions of oceans can show me, you say.
we still run around like there's no better way,
and i don't stay.

out on the highway in the desert unknown.
i'll find a way to get back to you, though.
i still run around like i don't have a home
cause even when i'm around, i've got no place to go.

and i know i'm not what you need,
but it's okay--yeah it's okay with me.

so how can i tell you i need you to stay?
i've done it before, it don't mean anything.

and i still wait around to see if they'll let me go
through heaven's doors, alone."

The more I learn about animals, and the more I learn about humans; I realize how much alike we are. How competitive we are. How protective we are. How Forceful, territorial, and rude. Matt Chandler says "Everything is a Fixer Upper this side of eternity" and I couldn't agree with him more. Where do you draw the line though? Who is too much of a fixer upper? How do you know when someone is too good to be true? I just know I will pick someone that is perfect on paper and blows my mind but after a few years I'll realize she is just being what she knows I want her to be. (thats a terrible sentence) Isnt it so easy to tell someone "Hey I like that too!" or "Yeah I'm the same exact way" but then 20 minutes later you realize no... you arent like that at all. When it comes down to it we are all just animals with a bigger sex drive and need of companionship.

and i know I'm not what you need,
but it's okay--yeah it's okay with me.

I'm like a virgin losing a child.

"I'm water, you're the dry wood
equal parts misguided and misunderstood
but all the neighborhood
watched a fire burn from where they stood
as the smoke said
"we're not half as bad as God is good"
still there's a whisper in my ear,
the voice of loneliness and fear, so I say:

"devil, disappear!
I'm still (ehh... technically...) a virgin
after 18 years-
which never bothered me before,
what's maybe 50 more?"

I don't know...
I am just glad we are still friends.

"You're a door-without-a-key, a field-without-a-fence
You made a holy fool of me, and I've thanked you ever since
If she comes circling back, we'll end where we'd begun
Like two pennies on the train track the train crushed into one

Or if I'm a crown without a king, if I'm a broken, open seed
If I come without a thing, I come with all I need
No boat out in the blue, no place to rest your head
The trap I set for you seems to have caught my leg instead

I
do
not
exist
only
YOU
exist"

I just got a home made card from an ex-lover completely unexpected. Her and I's relationship was riddled with arguments and disagreeing. It ended with her saying some things that pretty much crushed me and made me say "I will never forgive you for that". Then she sends me this card that was filled with little things that reminded me of the few good moments we had. I was baffled. This was the same person that spent the past month cussing me out and making sure every single person thought differently of me even though I felt like the only thing I was guilty of was being a guy,one who tried his hardest always but still had some flaws that he was working on. I still do not understand her intentions at all but I think I'm just not going to think about it. I complete forgive her, that isn't a problem at all because I know that the things she said weren't true and she was basically just being a girl. It's just that I have no idea where we stand now or, now that I have forgiven, if I am ready to forget. You indeed have made a holy fool of me, and I've thanked you ever since.

messy

I'm a mess to be made. I'm never right but I still stand firm on my convictions solely because I can. I am never content, which is a double edged sword. If I am content it is fast fleeting and soon robbed from me by the things of this world. I am a walking train wreck that has mastered the subtle art of splitting hairs. I solve my problems one by one like a little confused penguin and dare not to look back because I know if I do I will watch it all unravel. I strive to be different then everyone else because they seem so "shallow" and realize that I am just as empty as everyone else.

I just know that I am going to get through this easy or hard.

For every mess to be made there is a lesson to be learned.

GO DIE! GAHHHH

"You could've been all I wanted
But you weren't honest
Now get in the ground
You choked off the surest of favors
But if you really loved me
You would've endured my world

Well if you're just as I presumed
A whore in sheep's clothing
F&^$ing up all I do
And if so here we stop
Then never again
Will you see me in your life

Hang on to the glory at my right hand
Here laid to rest is our love ever longed
With truth on the shores of compassion
You seem to take premise to all of these songs"